Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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