I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Can you bring me the toilet please
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
