I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
