Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
