and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i wish my penis had a tongue
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
