Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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