He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You smell like stripper and shame
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
