Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
