Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
