Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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