I can't breathe out the right side of my face
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
