My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
