You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
