Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
