the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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