Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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