You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
