im drinking this country out of the recession.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
