he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
