i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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