an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
