Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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