it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
