Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
