dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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