Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
