It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
