I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
