just tell him i said nine months
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
