wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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