So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
