he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
