can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
