I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
