if i died would you start the facebook group?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
