best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
