mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
