I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
