i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
