You smell like stripper and shame
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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