The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
