It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
my liver is dry heaving
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
