Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
