are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
