Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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