So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
