i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
