A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
