I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
