just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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