You just made me feel so damn special
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
