I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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